Monday, June 27, 2011

Right Leg or Left Leg?

Just when you think you have it all figured out GOD throws another curve ball at you.  DH and I are still trying to get settled in, between the storms taking down trees, unpacking, and the never ending list of To Do's we have very little down time.  It probably is a good thing though.  Too much downtime leads to thinking, thinking leads to "What ifs?" and what ifs lead to "Why not me?" which ultimately leads to crying. 

I had been putting off unpacking what is going to be the craft room.  Boxes had over taken the room so I closed the door and forgot about it till this past weekend.  I woke up early on Saturday ready to tackle the day to just take the plunge and get some of this stuff done.  I put away board games, holiday decor, crafting stuff, extra linens and then in a box labeled 'BOOKS' I found some things I had really been avoiding, children's books.  Books I had been collecting over the years, some even from my childhood, books that I had planned on reading to my child someday.  I am not saying I won't read this to my future children, I just never thought when I saved the books from my Children's Lit. class, at the ripe age of 21, that I would be sitting in a room 11 years later without child to read the books. 

I sat on the floor for a while holding a book my grandmother had given me as a child, 'The Christmas Collie", just thinking about when I was young and where I thought I would be in life at this age.  And in all honesty I couldn't recall where I thought I would be I had never really gone past the age of 28 in my day dreams about the future.  I figured by that age I would have had my two children, be married, teaching and living life.  I guess one outta three isn't bad.  I mean it could be worse, I could be married to a man who doesn't love and support me and what the best for me.  The more I thought about it I remembered I actually have two out of three, so I picked up a book, "Olivia", and I read out loud.  I read to my Angel Babies.  It brought me a little bit of peace to my heart. 

Before you go off thinking I am nuts  I can promise you I won't do this everyday or possibly ever again.  It was just nice to sit there and read a book to my babies.  A nice little reminder that they are safe now not only with GOD but now with each other.  I cherish the idea of meeting them someday.  Being able to hold them and tell them how much I love them, but for now I will wait.  I will go and meet with specialists, go to work, continue to work on the house, to love GOD, love my DH, and make my life here on earth the best one that I can.  I mean seriously who would have thought something that sounds so special like a Heart Shaped uterus, could cause so much pain? 

The reality of it all is that no matter what GOD throws my way I will wake up every day ready or not, face the world and put my pants one leg at a time.

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” – Galatians 6:9

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